sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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