I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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