pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize