DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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