i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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