Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This baby is an asshole
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize