If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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