i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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