And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
