The best revenge is premature balding
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
