i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
