i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
