Kiss
Puke
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
