worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
