its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
