Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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