If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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