Sry I called you an 8
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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