I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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