Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
