Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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