24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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