I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
