Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
