every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
