I just threw up on my dentist
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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