They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
