Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
