you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
