i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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