We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
