jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
