I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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