first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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