is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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