Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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