My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
there is puke in my bra ... again
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
