so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
