O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
