The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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