WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't deserve a penis
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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