I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
