You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
