I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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