you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When are your genitals available?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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