I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize