ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
