Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
