I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
