I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
