atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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