If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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