Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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