In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
