you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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