Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
PANTIES FOUND
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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