I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
