I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
