He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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