just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
