i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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