Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
