He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
