finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
