Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
