Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
