I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
