I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
