She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
