I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
