woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
