I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My liver just had a heart attack.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
