are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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